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Yes, I’m a size zero, 5’4″ woman who has an opinion about my sisters at large. Please donate those under the bust dresses to pregnant women around the world. They scream “with child,” not “fertility goddess.” Bigger, smaller, bigger, is the eternal shape of femininity even if the bigger and smaller parts are served up as larger portions. Here are my top picks for my fellow women who occupy more of this world than I do.

OMG, a waist! If a tall handsome Italian man offers to buy you a cappuccino, tell him you'd prefer a latte. Enjoy!

Day Berger Et Mikkelsen Black Lace, After Dark Dress.

Roman goddess silhouette to be worn by big girls everywhere. OMG, a waist! Oh, just click already!

Don’t blame me if the skinny girls want to be in all the photos with you!

If this advice isn’t worthy of “freshly pressed” status then I don’t know what is! Please, leave me your comments.